support and guidance
Throughout our application process, we felt consistently supported and encouraged in our journey to fostering. Although balancing the necessary training with our work commitments was challenging, our dedication helped make the process manageable.
Since our approval, we’ve been assigned a supervising social worker who is available to answer any questions we might have. Whilst we don’t need support on a daily basis, it’s reassuring to know that help is readily available, whenever we need it.
There’s also special activities organised for children in foster care around various holidays, usually held at Erddig in Wrexham, which is conveniently located for us. These events include an Easter egg hunt, a summer picnic and a Santa’s Grotto where children and carers enjoy treats like ice cream and hot dogs! These gatherings provide a great opportunity to connect with other foster carers and for the children to interact with peers in similar situations.
There are also monthly meetings at the Wellbeing Hub in Wrexham where foster carers can come together and chat. However, attending these meetings has been challenging for us due to their weekday scheduling. Our work commitments require us to use our time off to meet the needs of our girls, including hospital and doctor appointments, school needs, and other unforeseen issues.
Looking ahead, we aim to create a support group for working foster carers that meet on weekends or evenings. We believe this will help promote and encourage more working individuals to consider fostering with Foster Wales Wrexham.
our first fostering experience
After we were approved by panel in October 2023, we had a few discussions with the fostering team about children who were looking for suitable foster homes, but we never felt pressured to care for any children who we felt weren’t the right match or not going to work due to logistical and practical reasons. Although we felt disappointed that we couldn’t care for some children, it was in their best interests.
It was also a positive step in building a relationship with the fostering team at Foster Wales Wrexham, who ensured that the best matches were made in order to achieve better outcomes for everyone involved.
When we received a call to care for two sibling girls and having read through the paperwork, it felt like the perfect match for us. Of course, things on paper aren’t always the same in the real world but we had a feeling that this would be right for us, and for them too. We arranged sone transition time from their current foster carer to us, where the girls came over a couple of times to get to know more about us, and us about them.
The first transition day went well, we learnt all about the girls’ likes and dislikes and by the end, they had both asked to stay for tea and asked if they could have a sleepover next time! By the time they went home, we felt an instant connection. The second transition went just as well and the girls stayed over for the night and we dropped them off to school in the morning.
The first couple of times we met the girls were nerve wracking, thinking about what they like and dislike, whether they would like the house, their bedrooms and the cats. Worrying about all the small things and whether they would like us as people.
We made sure that we cooked their favourite foods to help them settle in, which was beneficial for Alex as we had pizza, chips, chicken nuggets and curry, all the foods he loves as well! We played lots of board games and talked a lot about our live, as well as theirs. They were natural conversations, getting to know each other better.
When we were approved by panel, we had no idea what aged children would be living with us, so the rooms were basic. We have had to make some adaptions, such as converting Carla’s office to a bedroom and we’ve had to create more space for toys!
We made sure the girls understood that they would have their own bedrooms and that they could decorate them as they wanted to help them settle in.
It is a strange situation when you think about it though, having two young people in your home who you know nothing about, whilst helping them to settle into a new home life that could be completely different to what they have experienced before.
The girls have settled in perfectly into our family life and we are blessed to have two girls who are bubbly and who want to spend time with us.
day-to-day life
We will never forget the first few nights the girls lived with us. Our daily and evening routines changed and it took some time getting used to, even the most basic of routines. Going up to brush our teeth and complete bathroom routines when the girls were in bed and asleep was tricky at first. Do we brush teeth upstairs and do we flush the toilet and risk them waking up? We would tiptoe around upstairs and avoid creaky floorboards in case we disturbed them. Once we realised that the girls were both heavy sleepers and that any normal noises around the house wouldn’t wake them up, we felt much more comfortable and relaxed.
Now the girls have been with us for a while and have settled in, we are fortunate to have a secure family unit. During the week, the girls will go to school and participate in clubs in evenings. They have tried different clubs in the time they have been with us but now they are settled on swimming, taekwondo, drama and football. On weekends, we will often go out as a family to new places that the girls haven’t been before and they will also participate in some of our hobbies too. Alex is mad on football and loves watching Wrexham and our eldest will often go to games with him now. Building a relationship around our hobbies has encouraged them to get involved in our passions which we can share with them.
We have learnt the importance of routine, something that we often lacked prior to becoming foster carers. It has benefitted us hugely, as it has allowed us to focus on what is important and promoted our own wellbeing. Being able to share the girls’ passions as well have been important. Before fostering, going to taekwondo would never have crossed our minds but now, we are able to share and learn new techniques alongside them.
We have both been fortunate to have flexible careers prior to fostering, however, having the girls with us means that we have to juggle a range of different scenarios. Pick-ups and drop offs from school take a considerable amount of time due to their school being further away from where we currently live. Alex’s work as a supply teacher has been helpful, as working full time as a teacher would be challenging with getting time off for various appointments, sports days, meetings and other activities. We are incredibly fortunate though, as the girls have built a strong bond with Alex’s parents, who often step in to drop off and pick up from school when the need arises.
As mentioned previously, we wanted to continue to be working foster carers for the continued development of our own careers. Alongside this though, is the idea that many children in foster care live with families who don’t work, most often due to retirement. With both of us working, we aim to instil a belief in the girls that working and looking after a family unit at the same time is manageable. As well as this, it promotes the concept of a ‘normal’ working family, something that the girls often tell us they have never experienced before but like the idea that both of us work hard for our money.
challenges and rewards
Imagine you’re going to a job interview and they say “in this job, every day is different”, that’s fostering in a nutshell. The problem is though, that most foster carers and children in care don’t want every day to be different, they want and crave routine.
This has been the case during the summer holidays as our girls rely on routine and normality, which has not always been easy when being on holiday. Staying up and getting up later has been a challenge as our everyday routines haven’t been consistent but it has been important to try and stick to normality as much as possible.
It has been challenging as prior to fostering, we were both spontaneous and would go for days out or weekends away on a whim. We can still go for days or weekends away, however, these are much more planned and require us talking through what it might look like to the girls, in order to avoid any doubt in their mind.
We are very lucky to have each other to keep positive and stay strong during the more challenging times. Alex has hobbies such as going to watch the football, which allows him time out to relax. Carla is a keen reader and will have quiet times to read, away from any distractions.
Having each other definitely make the challenges easier to handle but at the same time, we are on hand to support both children simultaneously if required, meaning both of our girls have time with one of us, should it be needed.
From the initial application to preparing for our first foster children, our fostering journey has taught us so much about resilience, compassion, and the importance of a strong support system. If our story resonates with you and you want to learn more about fostering, reach out to Foster Wales Wrexham. Don’t miss the final part of our story, where we’ll talk about the joys, challenges, and unforgettable moments that have made fostering the most rewarding experience of our lives.
