There are a lot of myths out there about who can and can’t foster, and they stop far too many people from taking the first step.
So, we asked real foster carers to answer the most common questions and bust the biggest myths. Whether it’s about age, relationship status, renting, working full-time, or even having pets, these honest stories show there’s no one ‘perfect’ type of foster carer — just people with time, patience, and a big heart.
Scroll down to hear their stories and find out what fostering is really like.
“you have to be part of a couple to foster.”
I’m a single female foster carer, and I’ve been fostering for over 20 years. My main job had nothing to do with childcare, although I did work part-time as a youth worker.
I first started thinking about fostering after listening to the care-experienced young people who came to the youth club. Hearing about the everyday challenges they faced, things their peers didn’t have to think about, really stayed with me. I was also shocked at how few people wanted to care for teenagers. Most preferred to look after babies and younger children, which meant many teenagers ended up being moved around a lot, without the stability or security they desperately needed.
My early placements lasted anywhere from a few days to a few months, but over time they became much longer. My last three placements lasted 2, 8, and 12 years, and those young people are now very much part of my family.
Being a foster carer on your own isn’t always easy, I won’t lie about that, but I’ve never been without support. There’s always been help, advice and someone to talk to 24/7 through social services. I’ve also had incredible support from my friends and family, who’ve been there every step of the way.
You absolutely do not have to be in a couple or married to foster. If you’ve got the time, commitment and a big heart, it’s more than possible to do it on your own, and it can be one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do.
Elaine – Wrexham Foster Carer
“you can’t foster if you don’t own your own home.”
When I first looked into fostering, I genuinely thought I’d be ruled out straight away because I didn’t own my home. I’d always assumed you had to be a homeowner, but I was wrong. I’ve now been a foster carer for just under a year, and I rent my home privately. All I needed was written permission from my landlord, which they were more than happy to give once they understood what fostering involved. It didn’t hold anything up at all.
To be honest, I nearly didn’t apply because of that one myth. I’m so glad I asked the question instead of assuming the answer. Since being approved, I’ve already had the privilege of supporting children who just needed someone stable and kind in their corner. You don’t need to own bricks and mortar to provide that, you just need the space in your heart and your life.
So, if someone said to me “I’d love to foster, but I rent,” I’d say this: don’t count yourself out. Renting isn’t a barrier. Speak to your local Foster Wales team and ask the question. If your home is safe, welcoming, and you’ve got the support of your landlord, you absolutely can foster.
Wrexham Foster Carer
“you get too attached — I couldn’t give them back.”
When I tell people I’m a foster carer, they often say, “I’d love to foster but I’d get too attached and couldn’t give them back”. Do they think I don’t get attached and that I find it easy when they move on?
I tell them I do get attached, I do love them, because I would be doing them a disservice if I didn’t.
A child needs to know that they are loved, that they are lovable, and then they can learn to form healthy attachments in the future.
I do feel lost and grieve when a child moves on, they leave knowing they are loved, and I know I have made a difference.
So, what would I say to someone who says they couldn’t foster because they’d get too attached?
I’d say, that’s the point. You’re supposed to get attached. You’re supposed to care. It’s not about protecting your own feelings, it’s about giving a child what they need, even if it’s only for a short time.
Jo – Wrexham Foster Carer
“I’m too old to foster.”
Our experience as foster carers has been an amazing one. We’ve always loved being around children and had thought about fostering for many years. When I was 59, the time finally felt right. Once we were accepted, we were so excited waiting for our first placement.
When the time came, social workers arrived with this little baby in a car seat, smiling up at us. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was fine until I closed the door after the social workers left — then the nerves set in. I remember saying to Neil, “I can’t do this,” and he replied, “Yes you can.” At that moment the baby cried, so I picked him up, gave him a cuddle, and he just kept smiling at me. From then on, my nerves disappeared — and I fell in love with fostering.
That night we gave him his bottle, cuddled him, and got him ready for bed. The next morning, we found ourselves sitting on the sofa with him in his little chair, singing Chick Chick Chicken, lay a little egg for me. We looked at each other and burst out laughing — and when we looked down, he was smiling again. I knew then that fostering was going to be something really special. More importantly, I knew it was going to be a safe, happy place for the children who came to us.
We have such lovely memories of that little boy. He was later adopted by two amazing dads who adore him. Saying goodbye was incredibly hard, but knowing he’d have a fantastic life helped so much. We still meet up with them around three times a year, and we’ll always be grateful to them for staying in touch.
At the moment, we’re fostering a little boy who had experienced a lot of trauma. When he arrived, he had a frozen look on his face — he seemed completely shut down. There were some challenges, especially when outings ended, as he didn’t know how to cope when something fun came to an end. But a few weeks later, he gave us the tiniest smile, and it meant the world. Later, he told us he loved us — and we’ll never forget that moment.
Now, a year later, he’s full of life. He’s confident, happy, kind, affectionate, and has a big smile that could light up any room. We love him very much, and we’re proud of everything he’s achieved.
At 63, I find myself bouncing on the trampoline with him and climbing to the top of the soft play just to come down the big slide — it’s great exercise and definitely keeps you young at heart!
Fostering can be emotional, sometimes challenging, but it’s the most rewarding thing we’ve ever done. Age hasn’t held us back one bit — and we’re so glad we didn’t let it stop us.
Carole – Wrexham Foster Carer
“children in care are badly behaved.”
As foster carers, we’ve welcomed many young people into our home and cared for them as part of our family. One thing that always amazes me is their ability to trust us and cope with such a huge change. We often try to imagine how overwhelming that must feel — and it reminds us to start with building a new foundation for each child.
Every child is unique, and they all process their experiences in different ways. When we see behaviours that show a child is unsettled, insecure or struggling, we’ve learned to pause and ask ourselves: “What’s driving this behaviour?” It’s rarely about the behaviour itself — it’s usually a sign that something deeper is going on. That shift in thinking helps us to understand where they’re coming from and how their past trauma might be affecting them today.
We don’t always have the answers straight away, but with time, patience and the support of our Supervising Social Worker, plus the training and resources available, we’re able to find ways to support each child in the way they need.
Fostering has definitely changed how we parent — but only for the better. We’re more thoughtful, take more time, and try to respond with understanding rather than reacting in the moment. And that makes a real difference — for us, and for the children we care for.
Lynne – Wrexham Foster Carer
“you have to be a parent or have parenting experience.”
This is a myth that we always believed, however, it couldn’t be further from the truth. First and foremost, all you need is the ability to care and nurture children through your own experiences, as well as learning new skills along the way. This is the same experiences that any parent would have with their own children, highlighting the fact that even when you have your own birth children, you would have become a first time parent at some point and had to navigate the journey.
When fostering, you have access to a wide range of support, training and resources to support you from the first day you enquire, ensuring that you have the relevant tools to become a positive role model in the child’s life. We have been fortunate to have worked in various childcare and teaching roles, which have enabled us to use a wide range of experiences when parenting children in care. As well as this, having regular and up to date training alongside our work roles, means we can learn and develop through our professional and personal development.
Overall, although we don’t have our own children, we have been able to adapt and learn new parenting techniques, which are unique to the children that we look after. We are big believers in a trial and error approach, reflecting on the understanding that we don’t know everything and that making mistakes is a part of the parenting learning progress.
Carla & Alex – Wrexham Foster Carers
“you can’t foster if you work full-time.”
This isn’t true either. I work full time. You just have to be flexible. I work school hours which is very handy and also get school holidays off which is a really big help. I currently have a little one and we get rainbow funding help to fund her nursery fees so she is able to keep going to the nursery she was attending before she came to me. I’m very lucky and my work back me all the way so it works well with fostering. If a child is poorly, I would take time off work just as I would with my own children. Work are very supportive of this. I also get 5 extra days a year annual leave due to working for Wrexham Local Authority which really help with courses I attend or meetings, or if a child is poorly.
Louise – Wrexham Foster Carer
“people only foster for the money.”
As foster carers, Janet and I can honestly say we’re not in it for the money. We love fostering, it brings us so much joy, happiness and personal satisfaction to see the children in our care safe, settled, and ready for the next chapter in their lives.
We’ve heard people say, “Foster carers are only in it for the financial rewards,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth for us. We’re proud of what we do and the difference we make. Whether a child moves on to adoption or returns to their birth family, we feel a huge sense of pride knowing we’ve helped give them the best possible start. On the occasions where children have returned to their birth parents, we’ve received lovely messages of thanks, and that recognition means the world.
Yes, foster carers are paid, but for us, the emotional rewards far outweigh anything financial. We genuinely believe that even if we weren’t paid, we’d still want to do this. Fostering is about nurturing and protecting children, helping them to feel safe and valued.
It’s also important to say that fostering isn’t always easy, it takes time, energy and a lot of emotional investment. You go through highs and lows, and it can be really tough when a child moves on. But the bonds you build and the impact you have make it all so worth it.
At the end of the day, the biggest reward is knowing you’ve helped a child feel loved, secure, and hopeful about their future.
Janet & Colin – Wrexham Foster Carers
“foster carers are left to get on with it alone, there’s no support”
What would I say to someone who thinks they couldn’t foster because there is no support?
I’d say that’s definitely not my experience. The support I’ve received as a foster carer has been excellent. I even wrote a letter to the social worker who assessed us, thanking her for all her guidance throughout the process. When I read that letter out to Holly our two girls social worker, made me emotional because it reminded me how far we’ve come since the two girls first joined our family.
We treat the girls as our own, providing the boundaries, discipline, and care they need. They’re both amazing children who have really grown and flourished.
The attachment course with Action For Children helped me understand their needs better. I even reached out to one of the trainers for advice once, and she called me back straight away, which made a real difference.
Our independent reviewing officer has been a huge support — I honestly don’t think we’d be where we are without her. Regular contact with the fostering team also means we never feel alone, even when things get tough.
Support from other foster carers has been invaluable too. We’ve built a strong friendship with the carer who looked after the girls’ sibling before she came to live with us, and that connection has been really helpful.
It’s been a year now, and our journey with these two sisters continues. They deserve the best, and I feel supported every step of the way.
Sharon – Wrexham Foster Carer
”i can’t foster I have a pet”
I’ve been fostering for over 10 years now, and I can honestly say that one of the biggest helps in our home has been our dog, Mabel. She’s a gentle soul with big ears and even bigger eyes, and somehow she just knows when a child needs comfort. We’ve had children arrive feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or completely shut down, but they’ll often reach out to stroke Mabel before they’ve said a single word to us. It’s like she gives them permission to breathe. One little boy even said, “She feels like home.” Mabel doesn’t judge, doesn’t ask questions—she’s just there, offering a bit of warmth and calm when the world feels upside down. Over the years, she’s helped children laugh again, encouraged them to go outside for a walk, and even just sat quietly beside them when they needed space.
So, what would I say to someone who wants to foster but thinks they can’t because they’ve got pets?
Please don’t let that stop you. Pets, especially calm, friendly ones, can be a huge asset. Of course, not every child is used to animals, and you’d always get guidance around a specific child’s needs. But in my experience, our dog has played a big part in helping children settle, build trust, and feel safe. Having pets doesn’t rule you out from fostering, it might actually be one of your biggest strengths.
Wrexham Foster Carer
“i can’t foster, my children still live at home”
When we began fostering, our children were a big part of the journey. At the time they were 6 and 8. We were a little apprehensive about the impact on them, however, we had no need to worry.
We spent lots of time talking and preparing them before our first foster child arrived. Little did we know, she was the perfect fit to our family and a wonderful sibling for our two children!
When they first met, our children took the lead! They showed her around the house and spent lots of time getting different toys and games out! It was all very exciting!
It has been two and a half years since moving in and I think our children would find it hard to remember life without her!
As well as having a child in a long term situation, we have done some emergency and respite fostering. This can be unpredictable and throw us out of routine. Despite this, they adapt very well, always wanting to help and make any child feel at ease. It is amazing how young children can be so caring and accepting when a new member of the family suddenly moves in, whether this is short or long term.
Not only is fostering with birth children at home possible, it’s amazingly rewarding. Our children have already learnt many powerful life lessons such as compassion, resilience and empathy. We have been extremely proud of them but also feel very fortunate to have watched our family grow in such a positive way.
We would be avoiding the truth if we said fostering with birth children comes with ease! There are of course, logistical and emotional challenges. Much of our time is spent juggling the load and being a taxi service! The children at times disagree and fall out. However, we have come to realise this is actually a positive outcome. The close bond they have formed means they are able to do this and then solve the disagreement and make up as siblings do.
One approach we have found to be successful is to make individual time for each child where possible. This can be as simple as taking one child for a hair-cut on their own or calling into a cafe for a hot chocolate. The quality time together is very special but also gives time to talk over any worries or stress.
Family life and fostering is busy and hectic! Balancing the needs of all the children can be a challenge. However, we are grateful to our children for being such an important part of our team! Together we can create a lasting impact, overcome the challenges and see the rewards as a family.
Mel & Oli – Wrexham Foster Carers
“I can’t foster because I’m a member of the LQBTQ+ community”
We recognise Pride as an important time to reflect on how those early campaigners for LGBTQA+ rights (over 50 years ago) have made such a positive difference to our lives – enabling us to get married and become foster carers without any challenge, which may have previously felt impossible.
We can be a family, without any judgement or prejudice.
A family can have many diverse dynamics, but there is always space for love, nurture and support.
We feel passionate about embracing diversity in fostering. In fact the more you understand about diversity, the better prepared you will be to care for others.
There are no LGBTQA+ barriers to fostering.
As long as you can provide love, nurture and support you can help so many children and young people, who need these simple things.
Kate & Lisa – Wrexham Foster Carers
“I can’t foster, I have a medical condition”
Lyndsay and I had been thinking about fostering for a while. When we moved to Wrexham and saw we had a spare bedroom, we decided to look into it seriously. I was in my 50s and have diabetes, so I worried my age and health might be an issue. But after assessment and medical checks, we were accepted as foster carers. My diabetes and age were not barriers, we just needed a lock box for my medication. The process was straightforward.
Soon after, we were matched with a 9-year-old boy. We were nervous but excited. Five years later, he’s become our sixth child, alongside our five daughters who’ve always wanted a brother. They treat him like family, and he’s now an uncle to nine children. Watching him grow into a caring young man has been a joy.
It hasn’t always been easy, given his past challenges, but he knows this is his forever home. We take family holidays twice a year, which he loves, and recently he even asked for the larger spare room because he feels so part of the family.
Since then, we’ve welcomed another long-term foster child, making seven children in total. They’re like one big family, and seeing them happy is incredibly rewarding.
My diabetes hasn’t affected my ability to foster, if anything, it helps us keep a healthy home with fewer sugary treats, which benefits everyone’s health.
Fostering has truly been one of the most rewarding roles I’ve ever had.
Lee – Wrexham Foster Carer
“there’s no financial support”
As foster carers with over 20 years’ experience, we can honestly say the financial support has improved a lot in recent years.
There are now payments in place to recognise long service, plus a 75% reduction in Council Tax, which really helps. We also receive an extra allowances per child for the young people we care for, to help cover the added costs around Christmas and birthdays which makes a big difference during those more expensive times of year.
Another important change has been to the “skills” payment. This is separate from the allowance you receive for each young person (which depends on their age), and it’s there to recognise your development and commitment as a carer. If you complete the mandatory training, take part in some additional learning, attend support groups and stay actively involved, you can qualify for the “intermediate” skills banding, which means you receive an extra skills payment for each child or young person you look after.
Now, we’re not saying fostering will make you rich, that’s never been what it’s about. But it also shouldn’t leave you out of pocket, and thankfully, it doesn’t. With the support that’s now in place, you can foster without worrying about being financially stretched, which is exactly how it should be.
Wrexham Foster Carers
inspired to find out more?
If you’ve reached the end of this blog — thank you. We hope these honest stories have helped clear up some of the common myths about fostering, and shown that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” foster carer.
What matters most is your willingness to care, to learn, and to be there for a child when they need someone most.
If fostering is something you’ve thought about, even just once, we’d love to hear from you. No pressure, no commitment, just a friendly chat to explore if it could be right for you.
Get in touch with your local Foster Wales team today
