Our Journey into Fostering
My name is Alex and I’m a foster carer for Wrexham County Borough Council, alongside my wife Carla. Fostering was something that was always in the background of our minds, something to consider when we were a bit older, as the stereotypical foster carer in our eyes and to many others, was of much older people whose own children had grown up and left home. As a young couple, we didn’t think it would be suitable for us at the present moment, however, after doing a bit of research, we took the plunge and decided to enquire about fostering with the local authority to gather some more information. We learnt that fostering covers a whole range of care experiences, including short term, emergency, respite and long term care. Understanding a bit more enabled us to make an informed decision and we proceeded to complete our skills to foster training over the next 8 months.
Starting Our Fostering Journey
We have been fostering now since October 2024 and have cared for sibling girls since February 2024. We initially were approved for short term and respite care, however, as with the nature of any job, flexibility is the key. We received a phone call about sibling girls who needed a caring home long term and after meeting them, it was clear that they would fit into our family perfectly.
Becoming a Family
Our girls have lived with us now for 15 months and have become an integral part of our family unit. Everything we do is as a family, whether that is days out, holidays or just lazy weekends at home. We treat them as if they are our own children and this has been a big factor in enabling the girls to settle with us. The girls have been on their first holiday abroad, which included going on an aeroplane for the first time. We have also been on a multiple other short breaks to Blackpool, Llandudno and Great Yarmouth. This year, we are all heading off to Ireland for a family wedding and the girls are very excited to go on a ferry for the first time (me not so much as I get very sea sick). At times we feel like we spoil the girls but we are giving them experiences that they will remember for a lifetime.
Our Fostering Experience So Far
We have been fortunate enough to have offered care to a 5 month old baby boy for respite throughout our time fostering too, which the girls were extremely excited about. When we received the call to take him, we made sure to listen to the girls thoughts, as it could have an impact on their own needs. They both surprised us with their caring and loving nature, where they were both extremely supportive and helpful. Although he only stayed with us for 10 days, the girls were determined that if another baby needed care, we had to look after them. It’s moments like these that you realise how settled and secure they are in our family unit.
Building Relationships with Other Carers
As part of being a foster carer for Wrexham local authority, we have a support group once a month for carers to attend. Although due to work commitments, I’m not always able to attend, they are a way to communicate with other carers, offering support, guidance and feedback when needed. This could be asking for advice for a particular situation that may have arisen or offering support to new carers who might need support.
I have recently been fortunate to attend the Fostering Network wellbeing conference in North Wales, which was an amazing opportunity to celebrate the successful work that foster carers provide to children and young people. This experience enabled me to connect with other foster carers across the region, especially those with multiple years of experience. Being able to chat about different experiences opens you up to a wide range of learning, whilst also being able to offer my own expertise through my own experiences throughout my short career as a foster carer. Having the ability to communicate with other foster carers is a crucial aspect of being a successful and positive role model and this is something I will continue to do throughout my career as a foster carer.
How Family Has Made the Difference
The girls have thrived off having positive relationships with extended members of our family, including my mum and dad, Carla’s mum, as well as Carla’s sister and her husband. The girls have not had positive experiences with wider family members and therefore, it has been crucial for them as part of our family, to develop strong relationships with them. The girls love going to my mum and dad’s for days out and will always ask to go for sleepovers. They always express how they are treated like grandchildren and are always being spoilt when they go over. Carla’s sister and her husband also have the girls over for tea and for sleepovers and for the girls, they see them as their aunty and uncle. It has been amazing to see the girls develop really strong and positive relationships with our extended family, which has increased their understanding of what being part of a family unit is all about.
Support from Our Supervising Social Worker
The relationship between foster carer and supervising social worker is a major factor in the care that is provided to children in the care system. Our supervising social worker has been fantastic and she has provided us with a great deal of support and guidance. Although we don’t always need help, whenever we do need anything, she is on hand to answer any questions that we might have or offer support and guidance. Although she is our link to a supportive network, she also has a fantastic relationship with the girls. Having her makes our lives easier and ensures that we can go about our daily lives to care for the girls. As well as this, she opens us up to new opportunities, by making us aware of new training that is being offered and that will enhance our ability to offer the best care for not only our girls but for other children we may care for in the future.
Building Trust with Children’s Social Workers
As new foster carers, we really didn’t know what to expect from the girls social worker. The girls social worker had just moved on when they moved to us and therefore, it was a new person to build a relationship with for all of us. This helped the girls in a way, as we could build a trusting and secure relationship with her together. She has been incredibly helpful and most importantly for us and the girls, has stuck to her word when the girls made a request. This was crucial early on as the girls needed a social worker they could build a trusting relationship with and for me and Carla, it enabled us to see that she could make things happen. The girls were desperate to go on holiday and didn’t have passports, so their social worker made it a priority to get these for them. Within a few weeks they were sorted, which gave the girls a positive outlook on their social worker. It goes to show though, that when adults can work together for the best interests of the child, more can be achieved. The girls now have an excellent relationship with their social worker and we feel that is because of the excellent professionalism she showed early on in the process.
Advice for Future Foster Carers
The simple answer would be to go for it. There is a stigma about children in care being challenging and disruptive but this could not be further from the truth. Of course they have their own challenges and needs but quite often, this is no different to children who have been brought up in a safe and secure family unit. There are times when I talk to my mum about certain things that have happened, however, she is always quick to remind me that my brother and I did similar things when we were younger. Some days can be challenging but on the flip side, most days are spent just being a typical family. Once you remove your thoughts of fostering stereotypes, you open your eyes to the endless experiences that not only you get but the children in your care receive too.
What Foster Carers Bring to a Child’s Life
I could list a 1000 different things that are important for foster carer’s to bring to a child’s life but for me, the number one would always be, treat them as your own children and make them feel welcomed into your family. If you do this, everything else will follow and the children in your care will be able to thrive from a loving, safe and secure home. Our girls always express how they feel happy because we treat them like our own children, which has enabled them to experience and learn new things. I always explain to the girls that our role is to teach them life skills as parents would and they thrive off being able to learn these new skills such as preparing and cooking meals, completing jobs around the house such as tidying bedrooms, as well as helping with gardening.
Just before Christmas we also moved, to enable the girls to have more space. As part of this, we included the girls in the process from start to finish. They came to look at houses with us, being involved in which house we would eventually put an offer in for and then helping to pack up our old house. Now we are in our new home, they have chosen how they want to decorate their rooms, choosing their own paint and room accessories. Involving them throughout the whole process has again helped them to feel they are part of the family, as they have been able to have their own say in where we move and how they want their rooms to look.
It has made it easier that the girls will be with us until they leave care (although they are both adamant they will be living with us until they are 30). This is a testament to the secure attachment we have built with them, by allowing and encouraging them to be children and understanding that nobody is perfect. If they make mistakes, we encourage them to learn from it, as well as highlighting to them that me and Carla make mistakes too. Our family unit is not perfect but its our family and we wouldn’t change it for the world.
