rewards and joys
We have been blessed so far in our fostering journey to experience a range of ‘firsts’ with the girls and seeing how excited they are when they happen. They are often experiences that many people would take for granted, for example, going on a train for the first time. Although many children may have done this plenty of times, the joy on their faces when they got on the train will live with us forever.
Our youngest had her first birthday party, where she had a disco themed bouncy castle and invited all her closest school friends. She had never had a party before and said, “I’ve never had so many presents before”, when she came downstairs on her birthday morning.
Yes, we spoil them, but our role is to give them the experiences they have never had before, whilst also maintaining a level of calmness to ensure they are not too spoilt!
Our relationship as a newly married couple has been challenged but overall, the girls have given us so many positive experiences that we wouldn’t have had if we didn’t foster. We do take breaks every so often, where the girls will go to Alex’s parents for a sleepover, but this is often initiated by the girls who love spending time with them.
As a couple, we have always loved going on holidays or weekends away and this is something we wanted the girls to experience. They didn’t have passports when they first came to us, so we pressed ahead with getting them sorted as soon as we could. The day we got them, we booked a family holiday to Turkey, to a hotel we knew well. The girls had never been so excited and they had the most amazing time. That holiday was the best holiday we could ever have, as we got to see two beautiful children share the experience with us. As soon as we got back, they were asking to go again next year!
Since they came to live with us, we have been to Haven in Blackpool, stayed in a hotel for the first time when visiting Carla’s family in Berkshire, been to Norfolk and for a short holiday to Llandudno. We are also planning for Blackpool again next year and Turkey next summer. These experiences are invaluable and we are so grateful that we can give the girls these amazing opportunities.
bonding and relationship building
The most important aspect for us to build a strong bond with the girls has ultimately been honesty and trust. As we have both worked with children for many years we both understand how clever children are and the small things that they can pick up on. Of course, there are some things that the girls don’t need to know but ultimately, their lives are the most important thing and being open and honest with them has created the trust that is needed to build and maintain a strong relationship.
It has also been important to stay true to our word and follow through with the actions that we have set out. As mentioned, the girls were desperate to go abroad on holiday and we worked together with their social worker to get their passports, which previous adults in their lives have not been able to do. As soon as the passports came through, we booked a holiday, just as we said we would.
Incorporating the girls into family events has also created a strong bond, none more so than inviting them to our wedding. The girls moved to us two weeks before our wedding, however, it was important for us to have them there, at least just for a couple of hours to allow them to be a part of our special day. Even now, the girls still talk about it and when it comes to anniversaries, they will have memories to cherish from our day.
Listening has also built the relationship between us all, understanding their needs and ensuring that their views are listened to. We all eat our meals together at the kitchen table, talking about our day, any worries and often just general chit chat about everyday things. It is important to not overact if one of the girls says something that may be shocking, instead, offering them comfort and an opportunity to talk about their feelings. We also make their situations relatable to other people, for example, our eldest has hearing difficulties and often relies on reading people’s lips. Carla is deaf in her right ear and can sympathise and understand the challenges that she faces.
Sometimes a hug is the best medicine when the girls are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, where we can be there for them and offer safety and security. They both love a hug and to feel wanted. It is sometimes the case that they need space and although the girls won’t tell you with their words, their actions will certainly let you know! It’s at these times, by understanding them as individuals, allows you to know when to step in and when to step away, and for how long.
Finally, we believe our age has made a significant impact on the girls’ lives and being able to develop a positive relationship with them. They often say how lucky they are to have younger foster carers who can run, play football and join in with all the activities that they want to do. They have also mentioned how we treat them as if they were our own children and although we’re not their mum and dad, they often say how normal family is due to our ages, as many people assume we are their parents. This has been beneficial for our eldest, who is moving into high school and has said that she doesn’t want people to know about her background. This ‘normal’ family unit has allowed them to open up and fulfil their potential.
reflection and advice
On reflection, we feel that we were well prepared for life with the girls, as we were emotionally and physically ready to look after them. We believe it has been positive to have siblings as the girls often say how boring it would be if it was just them on their own. Having two of us certainly makes it easier, as we can offer our full support to both girls when it’s needed.
It is important as well to remember that it’s ok to make mistakes, especially at the start. When the girls first came, we didn’t know all the foods they liked or what they enjoyed doing on days out. We have cooked meals that our youngest hates but we know not to cook them again. They have both tried different clubs that they never want to go back to again but at the same time, have tried clubs that they have loved doing. It’s a case of trial and error and most of the time the girls will tell us when they don’t want to do something. These are all things that take time when fostering children and it’s important to remember that we are all human and we can’t and won’t get everything right all of the time.
Fostering is our life now and is not something that will ever leave us. The girls are with us long term, they are our family, and we wouldn’t change it for the world!
conclusion
For anyone who has contemplated fostering but has never taken that first step, do it. For anyone who is younger, like us, and has thought about it, do it. For anyone who has a spare bedroom, who wants a challenge and who wants to offer a safe and secure home to a local child or young person, do it.
We are passionate about encouraging more younger people to foster as there aren’t enough of us. Our girls regularly express their gratitude that they have carers who look and feel like their family. Integrate them into your family life and they will reap the rewards of a loving, happy and safe environment.
We are blessed that we have given our girls so many ‘firsts’ during the time they have been with us but it is also the ‘second’s’ that will provide them with a safe base, as they will thrive off the continuity and routine of living within the same family unit.
We recently had some friends come to visit from Hampshire who are around the same age as us, who both work full time and have been thinking about fostering for a while but have never taken that next step. They could see the fulfilment we have from looking after our girls and the life that we are able to provide for them. The next day, we received a text from them saying they had enquired with their local authority to take the first steps in their own fostering journey. Sometimes it takes a personal experience, to see first-hand how it works, before people take that first important step that could change their life.
Fostering has profoundly changed our lives and the lives of the children we care for. We’ve learned, laughed, and grown together, and we wouldn’t change it for the world.
If our story has inspired you to consider fostering, we encourage you to reach out to Foster Wales Wrexham. They’re always there to offer support and guidance, whether you’re exploring the first steps or preparing for your first foster child. The need for foster carers is great, and the rewards are even greater. For us, fostering has been the most meaningful journey we’ve ever embarked on, and we’d love to help and inspire you to start yours.
